Psalm 23

I promised someone I would spend some time in prayer and read my Bible today. My father often encouraged me to do so, and I know he would be pleased to see me try. I don't believe reading the Bible and praying every day makes you a good person. Terrible acts have been committed by the most devout while they have been intently reading and praying every day. So the point is not to be a good person, a super Christian, a hero, or even to be more valuable.

It makes sense to me when I think about it, I've just never thought about it. My only goal behind spending time with God must be to build a relationship with my creator. If I have any other goals I will be sorely disappointed. God's love for me will not change, nor will my own humanity.

Psalm 23:1

• The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. -kjv
• The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. -niv
• You, Lord, are my shepherd, I will never be in need. -cev
• The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack. -amp
• God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing. -msg

This verse resonates with me, and yet seems so strange. I do believe that my God is my provider, and I don't usually worry about having the things I need. I guess to say that I've always trusted in God for these things would be somewhat inaccurate. I've trusted in my parents, our society, our government.

Wanting nothing, needing nothing. I'm sure Christians have died of starvation. I'm sure we have gone without our physical needs met. I know we go without our spiritual needs met. We believe we worship a God who can provide us our every need and yet, we go wanting. We go on needing.

Is it our lack of faith?

I hate the mere suggestion. Faith was such an abused word in the churches where I grew up. You don't understand? You lack faith. The Bible seems to contradict itself? You lack faith. You're stressed out? You lack faith. You don't feel well? You lack faith. You're not healed yet? You lack faith. You've sinned? You lack faith. Faith was the answer for everything to which the leaders could not answer, and as such my idea of what faith might be became a mere shadow of a concept of something foul and disgusting.

Perhaps I'm taking it out of context.

Psalm 23 -nkjv

1. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
3. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.
4. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.
6. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell[a] in the house of the Lord Forever.

I can't possibly comment on the wisdom of this verse. I guess I can only say what it means to me, and probably more importantly what I think it might be intended to mean to me.

I want things. I'm not in a state of rest. I don't have a green pasture in which to lie down. My life does not currently have still waters. My soul is restored, and I do believe I now walk in the paths of righteousness for God's name sake though I would never say it that way anywhere but here. I don't think my life has any valleys of the shadow of death, but I think if I were in a deep dark place I would probably have some fear. God is with me. I believe I have endured hardship at my own hand because God loves me, strange as that may sound. My enemies watch me succeed. My cup runneth.

Some of these things reign true in my life. Some do not. So either this verse is untrue or God is not my shepherd.

Dear God,

The scriptures have been used to incite shame, guilt, fear and negativity in my life, and I lived in a place for so long where everything was dark because I believed those who used scripture to show me that I am evil, unworthy, vile. I no longer believe those things, and I no longer live in that darkness, but when I read your word and pray in any sort of a religious way it brings back feelings of darkness, rage and hatred.

If you and I are going to have a relationship, it's going to have to be based on something else, or my views on this book will have to change.

Jonathan

The one to whom I promised this said my day would be better today, and I would feel so much better after spending some time reading my Bible and praying. Right now I feel disturbed, upset and a little sick. I guess we'll have to see about the rest of the day.